The Art of Unlearning

How’s that for trying? Often, it is trying itself that is a driver – to try out, to try anything, to try something new. Quit and try sound like opposites, right? I found that quitting is the trying; it is the trying out of a new beginning. My way! And so this adventure begins…

I was raised, like so many of us, to always grow and to always seek better. Never stop. Always pursue the next echelon. If you’re not rising, you’re failing. For these standards, I excelled. I made that salary target by 24. I made that title target by 32. I surpassed it by 37 because … I never was going to stop. That’s not what strong, powerful female leaders do.

Then, one day, at the end of the third quarter, I tried something I had never done before. I quit. I walked away from all of that money, from that title, from the promises of a lucrative and powerful career still unfolding beneath my heavy-footed steps in all of those corporate board rooms and under all those professional and timely chuckles. I quit. I quit with no future job lined up. Shook a few hands, sent a few “let’s stay in touch” emails, and I tried something new.

How did I ever get to this point? You see, I knew I needed to try something new. While I loved fixing problems, finding unique and flexible solutions, and repurposing and redirecting resources in novel ways, I no longer had it in me to keep up the façade. I wanted to try to feel uniquely human again. I wanted to try engaging in relationships for the genuine joy of simply relating. I wanted to try living a life with zero ulterior motives. Because, let’s face it, managing ulterior motives is draining on all levels – spiritual, physically, emotionally, personally, and professionally. Sure, I can replace the word “draining” with “energizing” because it certainly requires boundless energy to maintain. Some people thrive on this and, for them, that drives their life’s work. I wanted to try out a new way of living. I wanted to try out repurposing my energy for a life of work I created and not one laid before me by usual corporate norms.

I tried out a new mission statement to be as authentic as possible. To be human. I want people to know that when I relate or engage with them, they are getting me and just me, being me.

Let me tell you something – the more I worked on being truly authentic, the easier it became. You see, much of what we do is habituated or trained or guided or mentored in. When we try letting go, what’s left is who we uniquely are. There’s nothing to change.

During my time as a corporate professional, two of my larger gripes were not having time to read and not even knowing if I had any hobbies. It wasn’t always that I didn’t have the time but rather that this didn’t fit into the profile I had created. It wasn’t a part of my “uniform”. Excel, reach, grab, stretch. That doesn’t leave much space for leisurely reading or pursuing many hobbies.

When I quit, I learned to try new things. I had the space to explore this world into which I was reintegrating. By necessity, I looked for ways to conserve financial resources while opening my eyes to this wide world that opened up all around me. I tried out a few smaller jobs. I always loved animals and so I took a job working at a veterinary hospital. Veterinary nurses are the very backbones of these practices. While they resuscitate your dog, the veterinarian taking credit, they are paid abysmally and also mop the entire hospital each night before going home. I worked as a bartender for a time – what a blast! Who knew? You know who my favorite customers were? Those stressed out corporate professionals with cell phones attached to their ears and hands. Ah what a `reminder! What did I learn? These seeming smaller roles gave me the opportunity to experience so many things I hadn’t seen or done before. I was able to value a lower paying job that also ended the moment you clocked out. I never took my work home with me and I never got calls after hours. That was time for my family, my newfound hobbies, and leisurely reading.

Speaking of family, an unintended but fortuitous outcome of trying out quitting was that I was able to be with each of my parents during the decline of their health. The act of quitting meant I didn’t have to negotiate the balance beam of tending to family needs and keeping my career on its upward trajectory. Gone was the stress that another colleague could knock my career off-path while I was trying to find a way to be with my mother during her final days. These struggles in the notorious work/life balance are truly life-altering and seldom do we recognize this as it is happening – we are too caught up in the flurry of what we perceive to be our life’s work. To summarize Steve Jobs, we only connect the dots looking backwards.

When I quit, I relearned how to enjoy the outdoors. I learned how to garden and tend to plants. I even learned the types of moths and butterflies I would get if I let those caterpillars continue to scale my key lime tree. Gardening provides time to think without outside influence. Walking the dog went from being a chore to check off the list to an enjoyable way to view the sunset and meet my neighbors. Our eyes and brains crave outdoor panoramic views and will perform better for you with more of this and a little less of the stock market’s breaking news.

Quitting has been a game changer for me. Leaving my corporate profession hasn’t always been Easy Street. What it really boils down to is devoting yourself to the transition period of unlearning old habits and finding the courage to try new things because you can. It takes real self-reflection – not just the concept of it or the 5-minute application of it – to see patterns in your life and decide if those patterns are there simply out of habit, duty, norm, or – worse – due to expectations. It takes real self-reflection to part and parcel this into what you want to keep and what you want to change because change is always an option. We’ve got one shot at bumbling around the sun on this planet and we have it within our own selves to curate our individual lives as we please and as pleases us.

Sure, most of the things I have learned, I could have figured out during my corporate career. I have an open mind and an open heart and certainly can foresee a future position in the same industry – IF I want it. The thing is – I was too distracted. I was distracted by the whirlwind of career, expectations, goals, distinction, and the next strategic move. For me, it would’ve taken a professional lifetime to realize what I found by quitting and trying a new way of life. What I learned in months would’ve taken many, many years otherwise. I’m so grateful I had the courage to try. A return to the profession would be with a new set of eyes, focused on what makes my life rich, not necessarily or solely what makes my bank account ‘rich’.

What makes my life more meaningful? Trying new things is my favorite way to excel, reach, grab, and stretch. This is how I grow, how I seek better, and how I never stop. I’m always pursuing that next echelon in my new life. If I’m not rising, I’m failing. For these new standards, I excel.

I continue to work towards the sole purpose of benefitting shareholders. These shareholders are my family and me. So you could say that I didn’t give up my passion or my career. Rather, I simply shifted my focal point and applied similar techniques to the new position. I still enjoy fixing problems, finding unique and flexible solutions, and repurposing and redirecting resources in novel ways. But, now when I say that I do this on behalf of the shareholders, I mean it. I invest in me. It doesn’t look like what we’ve been told. The pamphlet to sell you on this way of life isn’t as shiny but it sure delivers if you give it a try.

You never know unless you try and sometimes unlearning things leads to learning things and sometimes that means quitting. I quit. But I didn’t stop. I TRIED and I THRIVED.